Just in case... I need to remember this moment.

TJ and I were minding our business, driving around St. George, catching Pokemon.  On the way home, Durstin called.  Typical conversation starter.  How you doing?  Where ya'll at? etc.  Then Durstin says, "We have a situation I wanted to talk to you and Dora about.  Would you guys be willing to adopt a baby from a Native American Tribe in Alaska?"  Our first reaction was... Where?

Then of course we said, "Yes.  Absolutely!"  TJ and I have been down this road before so we didn't want to get our hopes up.  We were on the 15 freeway driving home when we said goodbye to Durstin.  We were silent.  We were excited but didn't really want to admit it.  TJ pulled over to the first gas station we could find and we sat in silence for a few minutes.  

Both of us super excited!

Both of us refusing to get too excited because we've been down this road before and know we probably can't handle the heartache again. 

Both of us failing at not automatically being excited.

Both of us turning to each other and telling each other, "You will be ok.  Even if this doesn't pan out, YOU WILL BE OK!"

Both of us not being okay because as painful as this process was the first three times, we are still willing to jump in head first at the opportunity to become parents in this life.

I don't know if anyone will actually read this!  But dammit I'm going crazy and had to put thought to paper so to speak.  If this actually pans out, I want to remember this moment!  

Sitting in the car with this man whose only desire when we got married was to become a father.  Watching him watch me... both of use searching each other's face for any sign of an emotional breakdown.  We are professionals at this point, we know what to look for. Some say marriages are tested... but I honestly still wonder how we are still here, in this moment, experiencing this fear and excitement again.  I love him.  All the good and bad parts of him.  If this works out... GREAT!  If not, we will be ok.

IN CASE IT DOESN'T DORA... YOU WILL BE OK!  

WATCH OUT FOR TJ... BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY... 

BE OK! 💜

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